(this is a lengthy one, more of a diary entry - thanks for not judging.)
I've tried to keep that as a mantra for quite some time now. I read it once in a fitness magazine and it's kinda popped up here and there and forever reminding me that each moment I have the choice to stay on track or not. Whether it's my career, my finances, my health - I make choices everyday that affect them.
At the end of each year I start getting reflective about the past year - my accomplishments and failures and I try and transfer it all into how I can improve next year. A new years resolution without all the champagne and moment promises.
Unfortunately my intentions have always been undercut by old habits. I know I need to continue to improve and challenge myself at work. I know I need to stop buying things to have (pretty) things. I know I need to stop binge eating and mindless snacking in order to lose weight. I frustrate myself incredibly just thinking about how I continually, year after year, don't meet my goals. Dana, just focus.
Basically, I've hit my crossroads. I'm not changing, my previous efforts have been futile.
So here's how it's going to work, okay Dana.
Career.
Suck it up. Remember when you talked to those young girls about how they should be Engineers because engineers change the world, engineers help people? YOU DO THAT. Your job is actually kinda cool. very important. and you make big decisions every day. Embrace it. You won't be a minion forever - so be the best damn minion you can right now so you don't have to later.
Finances.
I'm going to go to an extreme here. I've become an avid and extraordinary online shopper (not something to be proud of). Next year, starting on January 1st I am going to take a stand against stupid spending (really, another dress, Dana?). I am going to do a clothing diet. YES, I AM NOT GOING TO BUY ANY CLOTHES FOR A WHOLE YEAR. yes, of course I will buy undies and socks as needed. And that's that. done. no spending money on clothes. I think I'm going to continue my addiction to pinterest, it's actually really therapeutic in avoiding actually buying clothes and block the members-only shopping sites I belong to.
I'm also hoping, as a sit project to this, to learn and understand where clothes come from & how to buy ethical clothing.
Health.
Despite my honestly good intentions I can't seem to remove any fluff. I'm an emotional eater. happy, sad, frustrated, annoyed, stressed, anxious -- there's always something I can chew on. I did okay managing my weight in college; I was much too busy to have time for mindless food indulgences and had a steady workout routine (there was NOTHING better than running at 6am before anyone woke up in a college town. the busy drunken streets were quiet and hungover. looooved it). However, since graduating - finding a balance has been really hard for me to do. Yogi (puppy!) was a nightmare and more for me alone to handle - I quickly learned that he would sit still if I gave him a chip for every few chips I would eat. I would eventually learn to walk with Yogi every day and then join a soccer league. THEN I TORE MY ACL. ugh. for 6 months I sat on my ass. For three months following the surgery I was still on crutches. I ate a diet of cheese and crackers and and "exercised" at Physical Therapy - unable to steady my walk or fully extend my knee joint.
Long story short, I jumped up two dress sizes and felt worse than I ever have. I tried at the beginning of this year to combat this problem with a personal trainer - who was great at reconnecting me to the gym and what I could do to get the most out of my workout. I also started five months of Barre classes. Let me say this another way: Starting January 2011 I did two days of Personal Training, two days of Barre classed, and two days of PT. I literally was working out 6 days a week for 3-4 months. I just couldn't push any weight off. Three months into personal training I finally lost my first 5lbs. I was in heaven. Then I did a month of Freshology and 10 more came off. I was able to maintain this until my wedding in August and since then it's all come back and more.
I love working out, I love fitness classes. I don't believe my weight downfall is because I'm a couch potato. I believe I cannot control my bad eating habits. So, starting in January 2012, I will be doing a 9 month hypnosis program in Seattle. Hey, lily allen did it :). I'll keep you posted on how it goes. They promise a sort of re-wiring of your decision matrix when it comes to food. (ok ok, my words, but that's how my engineer brain interpreted it.)
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| Photo via Pinterest via ThxThxThx |
I hope your 2012 is the best yet!
Health and Happiness to you and yours <3
dana.
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