baby bear - Week 33

...when it comes to babies in bellies there is one "B" word that never soothes mamas. That's finding out in your third trimester that little baby is Breech. She's getting bigger and more cramped, and as each day passes, the likeliness of her turning dwindles. With my abnormal uterus, I was aware that it would come with a risk of either promoting a preterm labor (which absolutely doesn't seem to be the case anymore) or the baby wouldn't turn head down because of her slightly cramped quarters (or because 4% of babies are breech). 

So now it's game time. 
I have basically 3-4 weeks to try and get baby bear to a nice head down positioning. Or I'll have to hear about the "C" word again, which is heartbreaking, so let's focus on what we can do. My Doula recommended a few things including: acupuncture, chiropractic techniques, swimming (and handstands in the water!), walking, inversions, yoga, and reading and rereading spinningbabies.com.

WikiHow - how to turn a breech baby

Today I started with a nice 30 seconds inversion (knees on couch, hands and elbows on floor) trying to release tension in my belly, followed by cat/cow movements on my hands and knees. I also am trying to get in calf and hip flexor stretches every time I'm up and walking around. I ordered two prenatal yoga DVDs and the daily essentials video this morning and this weekend we'll go to the beach and swim around. I want to be doing a yoga session 3-6x a week (more than my usual once!).

With this new focus, I really want to set my baby up for the best opportunity to get out of her comfy spot and into a more birth friendly position! 

Wish me luck!

PS - I've been reading Ashlee's experience with a breech baby and it makes me feel not so alone and distraught over the news.

baby bear - week 29

Hello third trimester, I can't believe we've made it this far.

I have a feeling you're going to make me pay for the easiness of the first 6 months. The no throwing up, the no food aversions, the ability to still work out.... I enjoyed that.

But now, I've spent more nights tossing and turning than the whole first 6 months combined.
One night I spent a few hours sitting up in bed just to stop the nausea, my hips are starting to hurt when I walk fast and for a long distance... and even more so when I sleep on my side. Oh, the side sleeping pain. I'm even using my pillow between my knees and ankles to no relief. 


But this week also had a lot of amazing to it, too.

• Ben felt baby move for the first time, and every day since I call him over when I feel her starting to dance. One time he even said, "okay baby, move if you love me" - and she moved and danced and he just about felt like the king of the world. I don't think baby will stop amazing us anytime soon.
• We also started looking at getting a doula for our birth and postpartum care. At first I thought only getting the postpartum care would work for us, as I'm pretty confident in birthing and zero confident in actually caring (and breastfeeding) a child. But as Ben and I talked longer about it, it just seemed to make sense to have her there for the birth. She'll be able to help me in so many ways - and I don't want to put that burden on Ben. I want him to enjoy the birth and not be stressed about doing things right or if he has time to take a bathroom break.  I also wanted a doula for the hopefully-not-the-case case I need to have a hospital birth. I want an advocate for the birth plan I believe in. We contacted a handful of doulas last week and plan to "interview" them over the next two.
• I started my prenatal yoga class last weekend. It was everything I needed. I didn't realize how much I wanted a community of pregnant women until I was there and we were all introducing ourselves and how far along we are. I imagine it will be a similar feeling for when we start our childbirth classes next month. I felt wiser than the 19 week-ers and in awe of the 38 week-ers. And felt like bff's to all the mamas in the 28th week. What a special feeling.

Baby Bear - Week 25

Well, it's definitely been a while since my last update... and now I'm past halfway (yay!) and only have 3.5 months left!

the cutest little baby feet

I'm so very obviously showing now. I grew out of my non-stretch pants and moved into the luxurious (seriously!) life of maternity pants around week 18. It was annoying, since I was still in the "is she chubs or pregnant" stage, so I felt much like the chubs state. And now, 6 weeks later, I'm thinking I'll have to move to the full-paneled maternity pants since the demi/short paneled pants are starting to fold over under my growing belly.

And it's going to grow so-much-bigger. Everything is going to get so much bigger.

I finally started to feel baby bear kick and move around week 19. It happens about every other day, not all the time, and at first I was convinced they weren't kicks. They feel like little bubbles of pressure - pretty cool. I'm excited for when Ben will be able to feel her move.

Her nursery is starting to fill in too! We finally put up crown molding a week or two ago, bought a crib we love, and moved the dresser up to the room. We still need to get a rocker, hang the art, and finish the mobile.


I also wanted to touch on something I was panicking about at my week 16 update - getting the every other week invasive ultrasound.  I talked to my midwife before my week 19 ultrasound and asked why this would be necessary, and she explained, that while it's probably not necessary, it's a precaution because up until 24 weeks if my cervix were to start shortening (getting ready for labor), they could put a stitch in there to help prevent pre-term labor. Easy as that. I was so peeved the doctor never explained something so simple like that to me. The next day, at the ultrasound, I confirmed this with the doctor and made sure that if everything looked great and long that I could stop with the additional ultrasound requirement - to which she agreed. And I'm happy to confirm that indeed, everything is looking perfect!

Finally, I am still working out about 3x a week, but am officially not jumping or doing any deep squats or lunges anymore. I talked to my trainer and worked out a plan to add some more variety into the workout for me, since everything was turning into either do a plank option or full body extensions. My legs have been fatiguing pretty fast lately (all this extra weight! swelling!) so I wanted to do more upper body/arm work outs. It was a great talk, and now when I get to class I go through each circuit exercise and figure out the modification or do a completely different exercise (tricep extension, bicep curl, dumbbell lateral raises, pushups, etc.). So far I feel like i'm getting so much more out of my workout! I'm going to continue going to the gym class until the beginning of May (about week 27) before transitioning to prenatal Pilates (at home) and prenatal yoga in a studio (1-2x a week). I think this will work out great and still keep me in shape for labor and delivery. The yoga studio I found also does a mommy and me yoga for new mothers (nursing baby and any baby that isn't crawling yet are welcome!) - what a great environment to reconnect with your body and not have to make arrangements for baby.


Also, pregnancy hair isn't a joke - I've never had fuller, more luscious hair!

Baby Bear - Week 16

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN ON FEBRUARY 27th, 2014

On Feb 24th, we went in for another 4 week ultrasound. We also figured that the tech would be able to find out the gender for us - and our excitement over this possible new information was all-consuming. It's so fun to reach these little milestones and each week is such a blessing. My heart swells with love when Ben talks about our baby and how awesome s/he is. 

I'm not a fan of getting ultrasounds, or going to the doctor really. I have an unusual anatomy that I don't plan on explaining to you yet, but it's why I need to get ultrasounds so often. Seeing our baby is a nice perk to the process, so it's not all terrible and annoying. 

My emotions have been really... emotional this week. I feel sort of bi-polar in the way that things affect me so much. The tipping point happened after the ultrasound appointment, and it really took 3 days to shake this feeling.

I mentioned before that I plan on delivering at a Birth Center, which is a few blocks from the hospital. I like the midwives and I'm sure the appointments will get more exciting as the weeks progress. Much to the dislike of my worried mind, there's just not much to tell a 16 week pregnant woman besides to take vitamins. One of the big perks of seeing a midwife, in my mind, is the hands-off approach - like when the midwife told me I didn't have to weigh myself if I didn't want to. I like that.

I've gone to the hospital twice for the ultrasounds and each time I've just gotten an off hand, sort of snarky comment about midwives. Example: I asked the doctor at the end of the ultrasound visit if there were any sort of exercise limitations I should be aware of (since I work out very reguarly). The doctor told me basically the same stuff the midwives did, with even less guidelines. She finished her thought with "I hope that's what your midwife is telling you too." Just kinda threw me, because up until that point I thought she was my doctor and I could ask her questions. It was a reminder that no, she's not my doctor and she has no vested interest in my prenatal care unless they start finding that the baby is going to come premature. 

And the final straw? As we were checking out and scheduling our next appt we were told that we would need to come back in two weeks (19 weeks) for a vaginal ultrasound to make sure the cervix is not shortening and then again in 4 weeks (21 weeks) for the usual baby ultrasound. My stomach dropped. I know I have a weird anatomy that will probably cause a shorter pregnancy, but really - at 19 weeks I have to start coming so frequently??  And why didn't the doctor mention this to us at our end of visit recap?? All of a sudden I just felt terrible and over committed. I lost trust in "my doctor" and wanted to just ignore her and the hospital.

Now that I'm a few days out I still don't like the increased visits, but I realize I can go see another doctor and hopefully have a better relationship with them. I also see my midwife the day before my next ultrasound at 19 weeks so I can get her opinion and comfort.

And besides, this week we found out we were having a baby girl!!

Baby Bear - Week 14

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN FEBRUARY 12th, 2014

Welp. I'm officially into the second trimester, I'm feeling better - just overall not as tired or moody. The baby is the size of a lemon! nearly 4 inches long - how crazy is that! It's so measurable, no longer just the size of a seed or a few cells!

Ugh. I could do without my face breaking out, or more specifically, my neck, shoulders, and face breaking out. Not cool, hormones. Not cool at all.  I also get some infrequent mild aches, like a cramping feeling in my gut, which is just my uterus being all like, "I need more room, woman! Let me grow!" - It can stop me in my tracks, and only gets awkward at work talking to someone. I'm sure I just look like I'm about to throw up. My belly is also filling out. It's such a weird thing, to have your belly grow and it not just be because you had an extra cookie for lunch. 

I'm also keeping up with my workout schedule - 2 to 4 times a week, with a target of 3 times. My trainers are awesome, understanding when I need to take a break and are surprisingly knowledgeable about physical limitations I will be needing (aka, when to limit the jumping, or cross body crunches or mt. climbers). So far no big limitations, but I have been trying not to get my heart rate from going too fast, so I take breaks when I need to (and don't feel bad about it)! 

The most exciting news is just being able to finally tell our close friends and extended family! I thought I would want to share the news on facebook by now but I've started to feel that this is just so personal that I'm not ready to share it with "the world" - hence why these posts are published well after the "originally written" dates. It's a weird, protective feeling - I want to celebrate with everyone, but honestly it's just a celebration with our families, and I don't want to hear the "you should do's" and the "don't do these" just yet. 

Right now Ben and I are enjoying this journey and are totally crazy excited for what's to come.

too many choices

We finally settled on a stroller for baby this past weekend. After literally hours looking at strollers online, where they all look the same, reviews kind of help sort through the brands what would fall apart right away vs brands that have some durability and functionality, we went to babies r us to touch and feel the strollers in real life. We settled on Chicco's three wheeler, and couldn't be more excited - it's light, easy to fold, easy to install the car seat, and super cute.

Okay, major decision one out of the way.

Then we started thinking about the glider/ rocker/ recliner we want to have. And again - so. many. choices. and way expensive. Ben, bless his heart, decided to take up some researching on his own - seeing what was recommended and what works out the best - and it led him down a rabbit hole of DD, DS, FTF, FTM acronyms that he was really proud to have learned. But didn't make any clear cut decision on which type is best. Again, it's all the same IMO. 

So, for sake of argument, because Pottery Barn Kids, Land of Nod, and Babies R Us are all expensive, let's just look at target's options. They seem to be more reasonably price and have a ton of options. 


The Reclining and Glider Option 1 ($600)

I love the idea of having the option to recline (I can see Ben loving this) along with gliding, which I think would be more soothing during nap and nursing times.


The Reclining and Glider Option 2 ($450-600) 

Same as above, maybe cheaper because of the ridiculous color schemes? Maybe I'm just picky about extreme contrast piping, not my cup of tea.


The "Chair and a half" Rocker, Option 3 ($400)

This is so appealing - and makes me think of all the good times when baby bear becomes toddler bear to kid bear and she wants to sit next to me while we read books. How sweet does that sound. swoon. Also, I think Yogi would thoroughly enjoy joining me on the rocker while I nurse and sing lullabies. 


The Basic Rocker, Option 4 ($400)

The standard, can't go wrong with this affordable, upholstered rocker. & I like the side wings, I feel like my head could rest easily on it when I'm closing my eyes, counting my patience... 


Thoughts? 
regrets, wishes, any obvious choices to make?

Baby Bear - week 11

 ORIGINALLY WRITTEN JAN 17, 2014

Last night we heard baby bear's heartbeat. I expected it to be emotional, but I was just utterly speechless with a goofy smile on my face and tears just welling and falling. I laid on the bed at the birth center, and the student midwife, under the lead midwife's supervision, pressed and scanned the doppler and speaker into my lower abdomen. At first it was just static and my heartbeat, and the longer the scanning took, the more I anticipated what baby's heart beat sounded like and wanted to hear it so badly. And then there it was. and it sounded amazing. It sounded so real and alive and healthy. I nervously laughed, smiled, cried, and looked at Ben, both speechless. 

What an amazing gift we have been given. 

The past few weeks have been weird. I'm way thicker in my midsection, and very thankful for winter - sweaters, layers. bulk. I'm hoping to hold out another 4 weeks before I tell my boss and coworkers. I've been getting mild headaches, overall tiredness, and just plain not-feeling-like-myself-ness. I'm hoping in the next week or two the energy comes back and I can join real-life again. Second trimester is supposed to be glorious, right!!

I'm already getting a little freaked with saving more and more money so I can comfortably take time off work after the baby is born. Very aware of the rug, crib, and rocker we need to buy. Aware of the basement we still need to organize. There's still my closet to organize so we can move my dresser into the baby's room. The dresser that still needs the huge crack in the wood repaired before baby clothes arrive! 

Baby Bear - Week 9

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN JANUARY 2, 2014

Today baby bear is the size of a green olive. growing each and every day.

baby doll carrier pattern - 3BeansStudio

I feel like I have the 24hr stomach flu for over a week now and I doubt I'll get any relieve anytime soon. Eating doesn't make me feel better, not eating doesn't make it feel better. I'm rocking a killer headache all day every day. I could sleep for.ever. 

We told our parents and siblings over Christmas holiday - my parents cried, it was fantastic. My mom said "this is all I ever wanted!" - which is so true. Since Ben and I got engaged she's been anxiously waiting for a newborn to hold. It was a perfect way to end Christmas, and filled with so much emotion. There is nothing that pulls on heartstrings more than seeing your dad cry!

For Ben's parents we gave them pregnancy announcement cards with a picture of us on the back from the day we found out, holding the pee stick. For my family, we gave my mom a wrapped present with a few "grandma is the best"-esque baby bibs and the announcement card. 

We also decided on a birth center a few weeks ago - which is pretty crazy. We really love the place and a friend of mine gave birth there a year and a half ago and really enjoyed her experience. We go for our first appointment at week 11, where hopefully we'll be able to hear the lil' bear's heartbeat!!

Trying and finding out.

Trying to conceive was really emotional. And we were lucky, it only took us four months.  It was like experiencing a breakup every month. You invest so much passion, thought, love into wanting to bring a child into the world - only to be disappointed when your period comes.

Ben and I made a very calculated, planned, and well thought out decision on when we wanted to have a baby. 80% of the decision revolved on when we felt financially secure and healthy enough. The other 20% was just the crazy overloading desire to have a baby (for both Ben and I!). 

So July 2013 I stopped renewing my Nuvaring perscription and drinking alcohol and coffee. and planned out my ovulation calendar, and got to work. And when my period came, I just felt like a huge failure. But we kept our heads up - more time to save up money, more time to have fun parties. 

I looked into when I should start worrying if I was broken. The internet is full of terrible answers. The best I got was from a "ask the doctor" section, where the doctor said usually between 3-5 months after you stop taking birth control, you should be ovulating regularly enough to conceive. 

Another month. Another sadness. 
In October, I was feeling terrible about a week before my period was to come. I got excited - maybe this was it, maybe this is the beginning of morning sickness. I even took an early pregnancy test 1 day before I was to get my period. It was negative. And my terrible feeling was actually the beginning of a Cold. That's right, a cold, not a baby. I thought we were doomed.
We tried not to talk about it too much, and look on the bright side. And when we got to October and November, two solo vacations/trips, cut right into the later half of my ovulation week. We thought we'd never catch a break.

Then, on November 27, I started getting weird cramps. Regular cramping before my period wasn't abnormal, so I set myself up for disappointment over the next day or two. But this cramping was weirder, a little deeper, higher and then my period didn't come. And it didn't come on Thanksgiving either. And we tried not to get excited, because we knew that chances were low. The day after thanksgiving, mid-morning, I couldn't take the uncertainty anymore. I took the pee stick test. As I held it there, it gave the little "thinking" hourglass, then error-ed out. I literally had to pull out the directions to see what the "open book with an arrow" meant. It meant I held the pee stick wrong while it was calculating and it apparently needs to be held with the wet part down. WHY DIDN'T IT TELL ME THIS ON THE BOX. So I had to go to the kitchen and explain that I took an error-proof-test and error-ed on the test, and was out of pee.  We had a good laugh, and mostly made fun of me. A few hours gallons of water drank later, I decided to try again. 

It read pregnant. Quick and easy. No uncertainty.
I was filled with so much joy. so much joy. words can't explain, I could barely talk as I waved it infront on Ben. 
All I could muster was that this was really happening, we did it, we're going to have a baby.
We did it. It worked. 
And then I cried all over the place. and tried to just burn this feeling, this moment in my memory forever.

We were homebodies the rest of the holiday weekend, reveling in our new life. 

Baby Bear - Week 6

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN DECEMBER 12, 2013

found here

Today I'm 6 weeks.

I can't tell if the pit in my stomach is the beginning of morning sickness or just a ball of nervousness.

Only Ben knows. (more on that reveal later). And my brother, but he's sworn to secrecy. He's being deployed this month, and I wanted him to know since he probably won't be state-side my entire pregnancy.

I still can't believe it. I even took another pregnancy test a few days ago, just to make sure it's not a dream.

I'm still working out 3-4x a week, with "unexplained" exhaustion. why does there have to be so much jumping? I'm still going to work, holding in this secret, scared at any moment I will need to start explaining a long-duration stomach bug. But not yet. so far under control.

I take my prenatals. I take fish oil. I eat my fruits and veggies.
I eat too many carbs, sweets.
I read about what can go wrong.

I reflect. I trust my body.
I'm a day closer. I'm a week closer

 I can't look at little poppy seed turned raisin/ lizard illustrations without tears welling up inside me. I just want this so badly. We want this so badly. 

I'm tired all the time. I still fit in all my clothes. But my breasts have swelled, they're sore. I think I'm getting thicker through my midsection, maybe it's the bag of Fritos I ate with lunch? Am I doing this wrong?

No one writes about this time.  This taboo time before the second semester safety zone. It's so much isolation, secrets, worry.

Ben and I are interviewing Birth Centers this past week. I know I want to be in control of my delivery.

Growing News!

We're excited to announce that our little family will be welcoming a baby girl this summer!

Over the moon excited.
We've wanted to be parents for so long and feel so blessed that I've been able to carry our baby. The nursery is painted, the gender revealed, and a few baby bump stories have been written in draft, ready to be published.


Right now I'm clocking in at 18ish weeks. Almost half way! A pretty uneventful pregnancy by all accounts- typical 1st trimester tiredness, sometimes moody, no cravings out of the ordinary.

Looking forward to sharing our story with you!