Trying and finding out.

Trying to conceive was really emotional. And we were lucky, it only took us four months.  It was like experiencing a breakup every month. You invest so much passion, thought, love into wanting to bring a child into the world - only to be disappointed when your period comes.

Ben and I made a very calculated, planned, and well thought out decision on when we wanted to have a baby. 80% of the decision revolved on when we felt financially secure and healthy enough. The other 20% was just the crazy overloading desire to have a baby (for both Ben and I!). 

So July 2013 I stopped renewing my Nuvaring perscription and drinking alcohol and coffee. and planned out my ovulation calendar, and got to work. And when my period came, I just felt like a huge failure. But we kept our heads up - more time to save up money, more time to have fun parties. 

I looked into when I should start worrying if I was broken. The internet is full of terrible answers. The best I got was from a "ask the doctor" section, where the doctor said usually between 3-5 months after you stop taking birth control, you should be ovulating regularly enough to conceive. 

Another month. Another sadness. 
In October, I was feeling terrible about a week before my period was to come. I got excited - maybe this was it, maybe this is the beginning of morning sickness. I even took an early pregnancy test 1 day before I was to get my period. It was negative. And my terrible feeling was actually the beginning of a Cold. That's right, a cold, not a baby. I thought we were doomed.
We tried not to talk about it too much, and look on the bright side. And when we got to October and November, two solo vacations/trips, cut right into the later half of my ovulation week. We thought we'd never catch a break.

Then, on November 27, I started getting weird cramps. Regular cramping before my period wasn't abnormal, so I set myself up for disappointment over the next day or two. But this cramping was weirder, a little deeper, higher and then my period didn't come. And it didn't come on Thanksgiving either. And we tried not to get excited, because we knew that chances were low. The day after thanksgiving, mid-morning, I couldn't take the uncertainty anymore. I took the pee stick test. As I held it there, it gave the little "thinking" hourglass, then error-ed out. I literally had to pull out the directions to see what the "open book with an arrow" meant. It meant I held the pee stick wrong while it was calculating and it apparently needs to be held with the wet part down. WHY DIDN'T IT TELL ME THIS ON THE BOX. So I had to go to the kitchen and explain that I took an error-proof-test and error-ed on the test, and was out of pee.  We had a good laugh, and mostly made fun of me. A few hours gallons of water drank later, I decided to try again. 

It read pregnant. Quick and easy. No uncertainty.
I was filled with so much joy. so much joy. words can't explain, I could barely talk as I waved it infront on Ben. 
All I could muster was that this was really happening, we did it, we're going to have a baby.
We did it. It worked. 
And then I cried all over the place. and tried to just burn this feeling, this moment in my memory forever.

We were homebodies the rest of the holiday weekend, reveling in our new life. 

Being aware - health

 

 I've been feeling really good lately - having those moments where my body feels clean, my mind is sound and my clothes have been fitting looser. I'd like to attribute it to a few things:

1) Getting out of my workout safety net

2) Meal Planning

3) Getting more sleep and having more fun

1) Getting out of your workout rut - you've heard this before, I know. Me too. I've always loved work out, instructor led classes. They can be tough, intense, but also a little repetitive. So after I got my strength and toughness back from working out at a local fitness center, I signed up for a weekly running club and started cycling once every other week. I started noticing a huge difference after three cycling classes. The combination keeps me fresh and working on all aspects of my body.

2) Meal Planning - We primarily use three recipe books to plan out our meals each week (also the internet, if we have a certain ingredient we want to use up! We use Smitten Kitchen, Dinner: a love story, and It's all good. They are great books that we are always finding more recipes from. We also buy our breakfasts and snacks (we eat at work) during each shopping trip. My breakfast currently includes plain greek yogurt (less than 5g sugar) with a handful of berries, a half cup of almonds or cashews to snack on, a piece of fruit.  Lunch is always leftovers, and the afternoon snack tends to be a vegetable (cucumber slices, carrots, broccoli) dipped into hummus. My 2pm carb cravings have  significantly decreased eating this way. I also try to avoid coffee (or at least sugar laced lattes and mochas!) as best I can. Needless to say, this saves some serious cash - going from $12/day (latte, breakfast snack, lunch) at the work cafeteria, to about $6 when I bring and make my own food which is a lot healthier.

3) Get more sleep, be more fun. For the last four years I was always tired. I wasn't losing any weight and I couldn't seem to find myself out of this constant rut cloud. I would get tested for thyroid problems and the tests would come back normal. Then I got a new job, had less stress, and started managing my work, workouts, my SWE to-do list, social and work on the house schedule a lot better. And it helped because I didn't have to be at work really really early, and I made going to bed early a priority. It is so obvious now, that the days I cheat and binge on crunchy carbs, are the days when I am running on less than 7 hours of sleep.

What are your triggers or pitfalls? 

are you actively tackling them?

Few things

Sorry for  the lack of things going on here. I've been consumed for the past month with our basement repair and rebuild it hasn't left me with a lot of free time. We're trying to get it complete by end of July so we can move on to more exciting places in our house (upstairs guest bedroom and future nursery and the garage needs some serious TLC)!

We also started planning a few trips for the rest of the year! We're driving to Sacramento in August (camping in Oregon along the way) and Flying to Austin in November! Any tips or tricks?

in the meantime, how fun are these!

found at: HelloMerch

27 Birthdays

27 Things I'm Thankful for this birthday

1. For having matured up enough to fall in love with a husband who thinks I'm really really awesome.
2. The way Yogi sleeps in our bed and usually kicks me out of it by morning.
3. A house that's turning into a home.
4. The cubbiest (ok, ok, big furred) cat. ever.
5. The bravest cat ever. (Yogi is no calm bear)
6. A body that continues to let me destroy push it.
7. Finding a new job that surrounds me with encouragement and support
8. Engaging in volunteerism and charity. Two values that have helped define who I want to be.
9. Finally learning how to live without the credit card "safety net"
10. Finding a habit in making a weekly breakfast-lunch-dinner grocery list.
11. Living in a city filled with people who love it so much they will put up with a week-straight downpour
12. Having friends across the US that provide us somewhere new and fun to travel to.
13. Packing a lunch everyday to save calories and cash (over two months straight so far!)
14. Living minutes to hours away from the BEST wine in Washington
15. Talking to my mom, and always ending the conversation like it's the best conversation we've ever had. I really like being able to make her smile.
16. My dad joining Facebook and liking all my pictures and posts. I like to think it shows him how much I am my father's daughter.
17. Air popped popcorn with fancy salts.
18. Finding and Buying a 8 by 10' rug for under $300 this past memorial day wknd.
19. The cats running downstairs the moment they think yogi is gone.
20. Hearing the cats run and chase at all hours of the night in all areas of the house.
21. Yogi's very low, long  and sleepy growl to any imaginary or real noise at night. He's so goofy.
22. Having done some major, although unexpected, remodeling to our basement. & so far, so good.
23. Finding success and peace in a financial plan both Ben and I could agree to.
24. Free wifi at coffee shops
25.Warmer weather each day, fewer raindrops
26. Attending Ballets routinely since moving to Seattle
27. Cucumbers and Hummus to hold me over until dinner.

Friends

It sounds so cheesy when I say to myself, "I am so thankful for my friends."  I hate thinking that it sounds cliche. But every time my friends pull through and help me sort through the chaos, I just want to shout from the rooftop that I am so thankful for the people in my life that can help me. I wish for the day I can return the favor.

emotional debt

So thank you, friends, for

- Answering the many cries for help with our house (and always being on Facebook or near your phone)

- Pet sitting either Yogi or the Kittens, evenings or weeks, you are fantastic people.

- Always receiving us with such big hearts and hugs. & Letting us get to know your families and your food.

- Making me smile because I know some of the most fun, goofy, and passionate people!

the longest race

On Sunday, I did something amazing. 

I finished a 12k race... that's nearly 7.5 miles! 

The longest distance I've ever ran!

I've always enjoyed running, never very fast, but I enjoy the raw connection you have with your body while running. It's euphoric, very me vs me, power through this mentally and physically. I've been running 5k's (3.3 mi) since I was in middle school, only to stop when I tore my ACL and otherwise mangled my knee in June 2010. A year after my initial surgery, I couldn't run more than a mile without being exhausted or have severe knee aching - this led to another, less invasive, surgery (Sept 2011) to remove scar tissue (see: cyclops lesion). Afterwards, I was able to, almost immediately, straighten my leg and finally gain a sense of confidence in my body I've been very much lacking.

In June 2012 I made a challenge to myself: 6 months of 5k's and finish the 7th month with a 10k.

So I ran, 

and ran,

and then came time to look for a 10k. I was nervous. The longest length of run I've done to that point was a 4 mile run in November. So, with the encouragement of my Wellness Coach, I signed up and made a training plan. I was to work out (gym/ dvd) 3x a week and run once or twice a week. But as the days got shorter and my work days longer I wasn't finding the time to increase my runs over the 3-4 mile mark. However, I found myself building endurance and the 3 miles became easier and I wasn't dead after my 4 mile runs.

Before I knew it, race day arrived. I was nervous... that kind of nervous that turns into self hating. I tried to get into a zone, but was frustrated because I forgot to charge my watch, so I wouldn't know what my pace was... forgot to set up a playlist on my mp3 player. Ben suggested using a pandora station on my phone and seeing if there was a gps app I could use to track my time. I reminded myself that I had set a goal - It was reasonable, I wasn't going to finish last and if I did, that would be OK because this was going to be a big accomplishment for me!

Ben and the other 5k'ers took off first. The 12k'ers lined up  and the race was underway.

I overheard someone around me (near the 2k mark) that they were running a 10:50 pace. I remember being so amazed at this. I was feeling really good, and we we coming up to our first big hill challenge. I think knowing that I was way ahead of my 13:00 to 14:00 minute pace time goal and feeling really good physically just put me into this "I'm doing this" mode. I kept the pace up, and before I knew it I was at the 5k mark, thinking "here's my standard distance and I'm flying by!" 

And then Kesha's "Take it off" came on the pandora station at the 6k marker and I got my second wind. This was it. This is the farthest I've ever ran. I couldn't stop smiling. The next few k's were a blur - my pace was good, I hadn't stopped to walk, I hadn't stopped smiling. Then I got to the 10k marker. This is where my fuse started burning out. My legs were aching and my feet hurt with every new step. I couldn't get my body to go faster... so I settled into my new, slower rhythm and reminded myself that every step was closer to the finish. 11k felt like a lifetime to get to, but it also reminded me that I had less than a mile to go... and anyone can do a mile. 

And then I saw the finish line (which luckily was at the bottom of a small hill!) and it was glorious. Then I had an involuntary response that gives me goosebumps just thinking about it:

My eyes welled up with tears as I approached the finish line.

I cannot explain the immense flood of emotion that came with finishing the longest race I've ever ran. I cannot explain the intense pride and love I had for my body. My body, I spend so much time hating it's size and shape. My body, ran 7.5 miles using all its muscles and mechanics. My body is so much more capable than I ever gave it credit for. 

And that's why I cried - because I'm so much more capable than I ever gave myself credit for.

Take the small wins

FLORENCE + THE MACHINE

I have been working on grounding myself and keeping perspective on life. 

Only looking for the big wins, the big milestones, the overall presentation of life -- I forgot what it's like to enjoy the baby steps and small accomplishments. No one can go from A to Z in one day. Lifestyle Changes and Whole Wellness takes time.

So let's celebrate!

This Fall I've

- Signed up with a personal trainer (once a week) and set a training/ running plan in place for my 12k in December. I forgot how much better I feel after going to the gym. I feel more awake, think more clearly, and appreciate that my body still knows how to squat, curl, and hold a plank. 

- Paid off my car a month early! This clears up a chunk of change to put towards our credit card. What a relief to feel just a little bit more free from debt! Next up are tackling my student loans (which are in three different sites/locations - how annoying)!

- Gone on two trips - one to Portland and one to Houston. Reconnected with amazing friends and otherwise had a fantastic time on each!

Keep Positive,

Dana

Kickstart November

Good Morning, November!

This month I am taking a spin on National Novel Writing Month and going to challenge myself to post daily to this tiny little blog. I've always wanted to expand this into something worth visiting, and I'm hoping this is the kickstart that it needs -- look forward to some posts about travel, dogs, cats, hair, clothing, and life.

First up. 

I'm participating as a Mo Sista for Movember!

I've created a team with my co-workers to raise awareness and support of men's health.

Starting November 1^st,  we are raising awareness and funds for men’s health issues, specifically men’s cancer initiatives.

Men start Movember 1st clean shaven. For the rest of the month, these selfless and generous men, known as Mo Bros, groom, trim and wax their way into the annals of fine moustachery (or beardom). Supported by the WOMEN in their lives, Mo Sistas, Movember Mo Bros raise funds and awareness for their Mo-growing efforts.

Mo Bros effectively become walking, talking billboards for the 30 days of November. Through their actions and words they raise awareness by prompting private and public conversation around the often ignored issue of men’s health.

If you're interested in helping - 

Join me in Support and awareness of Men’s health

1 in 2 men, and 1 in 3 women, 

will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetime.

Don't Keep Score

Source

I thanked my husband the other day, as he loaded the dishwasher, for cleaning up dinner. I was feeling particularly tired after my 'paid work- nonpaid work- workout' 15 hr day and was thankful I didn't have to box up dinner and face the always growing pile of dishes. 

He said he was feeling bad about not doing more around the house and wanted to make up for it. I laughed and hugged him hard - Sometimes I forget how sweet Ben is.  The truth is, I don't mind doing the dishes - junk piled on counters stress me out. I usually will come home from work or wake up Saturday morning and start marathon cleaning the kitchen.  I don't hold Ben accountable for how many times he cleans the dishes because I know we're not keeping score of how many times I've picked up the dog poo in the back yard.  

I would like to think it's a success of our relationship - we don't keep score and it doesn't matter who does what or how often - we'll get to the dishes when we get to them.

Also, I'm pretty sure only I can pack 

and run the dishwasher correctly.

What are you finding to be part of a successful relationship?

March

because parks and recreation & amy poehler are my favorite.

Since getting back from a FABULOUS Hawaiian vacation, it's been back to the non-stop lifestyle for me!

Fitness

I restarted my weekly Beginner Ballet and Conditioning class this month and scheduled in a weekly TRX (30-40 minutes) class too. That's along with the every Monday hypnosis I'm doing too. Making fitness a priority has always been a favorite. 

I also started a photo food log blog - I take a picture of what I'm eating and upload it to a personal, off the radar blog. It's been much more effective than trying to write everything down in a notebook.

               PS - check out some of my favorite fitness-tumblrs: http://arthlete.tumblr.com/, http://curvygirllove.tumblr.com/, http://cloudlesssmile.tumblr.com/.

               So many women in the same rut I'm in, and making huge progress!

Life

I am going to be MIA for a while until July -- After I wrap up my SWE term and take the GRE's in June. 

Money

Hubs and I met with a Realtor this past month - very exciting! We are still saving money for a down payment and aren't ready to make the leap to home ownership yet, but it was exciting to learn about the ins and out and the how-tos of the business. Cheers to saving money and big life decisions!

Best of Luck in April, 

Dana

February's Folly

You know what's hard? 

                    quitting habits.

I relapsed on my resolution. I bought clothes. It was a rush. I had an excuse. I'm not happy about it, but I'm trying to refocus my efforts. 

This past week we traveled to Oahu for our (6-month delayed) honeymoon. As the vacation drew nearer, I felt the urge to buy beach things - it's been years since I visiting a warm beach and the need to update my wardrobe was overwhelming. At first I was resistant... I have a pretty healthy selection of dresses, swimsuits, some shorts and skirts.  Then I convinced myself I needed a new cover up because I couldn't think of anything that I own that would work. Luckily I wasn't going to spend more than $60 so all the incredibly amazing cover-ups at shopbop.com made it easy to say no. 

Then I found a rashguard, something I wanted for our Snuba adventure, and otherwise as a cover up in the water -- AND COULDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.  So, I bought it. -- and I'm glad I did, it was really nice to wear and worked well for me.

But, like any relapse, it trips the wire - knowing that I could break this resolution. I bought something else "for the beach".... two tube tops and a long skirt from American Eagle were justified. I even caught myself visiting my old "members-only" sites daily (eek!).

I don't hate these purchases, and I actually wore them a lot during the vacation. I didn't need them though, and I didn't put quality over consumption. That is what bothers me.

I'm going to try to work on conquering the rush I get from buying things. I have way too many, more important things (student loans, car payment, food, fun) to be spending money on clothes right now.

PS - reading this book right now about breaking habits.