the longest race

On Sunday, I did something amazing. 

I finished a 12k race... that's nearly 7.5 miles! 

The longest distance I've ever ran!

I've always enjoyed running, never very fast, but I enjoy the raw connection you have with your body while running. It's euphoric, very me vs me, power through this mentally and physically. I've been running 5k's (3.3 mi) since I was in middle school, only to stop when I tore my ACL and otherwise mangled my knee in June 2010. A year after my initial surgery, I couldn't run more than a mile without being exhausted or have severe knee aching - this led to another, less invasive, surgery (Sept 2011) to remove scar tissue (see: cyclops lesion). Afterwards, I was able to, almost immediately, straighten my leg and finally gain a sense of confidence in my body I've been very much lacking.

In June 2012 I made a challenge to myself: 6 months of 5k's and finish the 7th month with a 10k.

So I ran, 

and ran,

and then came time to look for a 10k. I was nervous. The longest length of run I've done to that point was a 4 mile run in November. So, with the encouragement of my Wellness Coach, I signed up and made a training plan. I was to work out (gym/ dvd) 3x a week and run once or twice a week. But as the days got shorter and my work days longer I wasn't finding the time to increase my runs over the 3-4 mile mark. However, I found myself building endurance and the 3 miles became easier and I wasn't dead after my 4 mile runs.

Before I knew it, race day arrived. I was nervous... that kind of nervous that turns into self hating. I tried to get into a zone, but was frustrated because I forgot to charge my watch, so I wouldn't know what my pace was... forgot to set up a playlist on my mp3 player. Ben suggested using a pandora station on my phone and seeing if there was a gps app I could use to track my time. I reminded myself that I had set a goal - It was reasonable, I wasn't going to finish last and if I did, that would be OK because this was going to be a big accomplishment for me!

Ben and the other 5k'ers took off first. The 12k'ers lined up  and the race was underway.

I overheard someone around me (near the 2k mark) that they were running a 10:50 pace. I remember being so amazed at this. I was feeling really good, and we we coming up to our first big hill challenge. I think knowing that I was way ahead of my 13:00 to 14:00 minute pace time goal and feeling really good physically just put me into this "I'm doing this" mode. I kept the pace up, and before I knew it I was at the 5k mark, thinking "here's my standard distance and I'm flying by!" 

And then Kesha's "Take it off" came on the pandora station at the 6k marker and I got my second wind. This was it. This is the farthest I've ever ran. I couldn't stop smiling. The next few k's were a blur - my pace was good, I hadn't stopped to walk, I hadn't stopped smiling. Then I got to the 10k marker. This is where my fuse started burning out. My legs were aching and my feet hurt with every new step. I couldn't get my body to go faster... so I settled into my new, slower rhythm and reminded myself that every step was closer to the finish. 11k felt like a lifetime to get to, but it also reminded me that I had less than a mile to go... and anyone can do a mile. 

And then I saw the finish line (which luckily was at the bottom of a small hill!) and it was glorious. Then I had an involuntary response that gives me goosebumps just thinking about it:

My eyes welled up with tears as I approached the finish line.

I cannot explain the immense flood of emotion that came with finishing the longest race I've ever ran. I cannot explain the intense pride and love I had for my body. My body, I spend so much time hating it's size and shape. My body, ran 7.5 miles using all its muscles and mechanics. My body is so much more capable than I ever gave it credit for. 

And that's why I cried - because I'm so much more capable than I ever gave myself credit for.