the Script, ACTION!

Ben and I chose to unite ourselves in marriage... literally.

In Pennsylvania, there are two marriage licenses available. A standard third party uniting license and a self-uniting license. PA is unique in offering this self-uniting license, and after a lot research into it and a lot of discussion we decided to proceed forward with the self-uniting license. 

I put this paragraph on our wedding website so our guests wouldn't get confused when there wasn't someone leading the ceremony.

 
"We will be having a Self-Uniting Marriage Ceremony. This is one in which the bride and groom are married without the presence of a third-party officiant. Self-Uniting ceremonies have deep roots in Quaker traditions - where the community grants and supports the marriage.  Pennsylvania, a Quaker founded state, is one of the few states that authorizes this type of license.
While the wedding will not be Quaker, in religion or methods, we hope you can feel inspired by this tradition."

This ceremony style really posed a challenge for how to sculpt how we would get married. I didn't want to go too far off from tradition, but I also wanted to make it meaningful and true to ourselves. After reading into other couple's self-uniting ceremonies -- a lot of them just had a friend with public speaking skills lead the ceremony, or had bells to signal a transition into the next ceremony event (reading to reading to vows to rings, etc).  

The psuedo officiant wouldn't work: one of the reasons to do the s/u marriage was because we wanted the ceremony to be ours and not done by a friend who got ordained online or an officiant we didn't personally know.  The bells were a cute idea, but I felt like it would break up the flow rather than helping it... that AND bells are expensive, dude.

So with all that in mind, I got to thinking about the ceremony (about 7-8 months before our wedding!). I googled a lot, A LOT of "wedding readings" and while most were standard love poems or religious readings... I was able to find some gems and narrowed down to about 8 unique excerpts, poems, lyrics that defined our bliss. 

About 5 months before the wedding we had an idea of how we wanted to flow the ceremony: Reading, Reading, Reading, Vows, Reading, Rings, Kiss (and then make sure people know it's over and to clap!)

And here's how we made it happen

Ushers guide grandparents & moms to seats

Boys walk up to their spots

Bridesmaids enter, followed by Dad and I

Reading 1

Reading 2

Reading 3

Exchange Vows

Reading 4

Exchange Rings

Sign Certificate (we thought we needed this so people didn't think it was fake ceremony ha!)

Kiss

Exit!

And the Gems that made this ceremony ours :)

Reading 1 - Mr. Darcy's Proposal

Reading 2 - Falling in love is like owning a dog by Taylor Mali

Reading 3 - Love by Roy Croft (we did a shortened version)

Exchange Vows: standard civil ceremony vows

Reading 4 - Stardust (Movie) Quote - Yvaine's Love confession

Exchange Rings: "____, I give you this ring as a sign of my wedded love and faithfulness.
Wear it, think of me, and know that I love you." Got this from my wedding crush

Songs:

Groom and Men, Moms entered in with POSTAL SERVICE - SUCH GREAT HEIGHTS

Maids and Me entered in with BLACK KEYS - EVERLASTING LIGHT

Surprise Exit song (we really didn't tell anyone what it was) was LESLEY GORE - SUNSHINE LOLLIPOPS AND RAINBOWS

 

The whole ceremony lasted about 20 minutes. We both stumbled over our vows but it was over before we remembered to start breathing again!

Boutonnieres, Put a pin in it!

One of my favorite parts of the wedding decor were the boys boutonnieres (well ok, in lieu of flowered boutonnieres). They were so much fun to make and a nice personal touch to the ceremony. I used vintage fabric bought from Etsy.


Ben, his three men, our dads, my grandpap, and my brother ushering all wore them.
Ben's two sisters, who were also ushers, wore the sparkly hearts from Ban.do

post wedding reflection

Yesterday, on the way to dinner, Ben asked me if it feels different being married.

It's the number one question you get after you get hitched.

The answer is not really. 

We both agree that we absolutely wanted to get married, but the marriage didn't mean we treat each other differently or have different expectations for each other -- it was a celebration and joining of our love!

The only difference is a slight sense of validation, officialness, and legality to our union.

I always had comfort, love, support, and happiness with Ben... and everyday it grows, before and after the big day.

So, as I anxiously wait for my wedding pictures to be uploaded, touched up, and available for viewing (not for another few weeks, ugh!) -- I've been reflecting on the most awesome party I planned for, worried about, stressed over, and enjoyed every second of.

Here are the big notes that need to be said.

The ugly:

- ordered my wedding dress before really knowing what type of wedding I wanted.

sure, I knew it was going to be outside, park or barn setting -- but I didn't know how it was going to feel.  Was it going to be classic or vintage, modern or traditional, etc. First I would like to say I did attempt to go to an actual bridal shop and try on dresses. I did, I really tried not to love every single one. But the truth is, at about $1000 budget, most of them were really nice, clean, bright, and show stopping. I didn't fall in love with any of them, but I also went alone - I'm in Seattle, family in Pennsylvania. It didn't feel right, it felt, for me, like I was just falling into the crowd - buying a standard wedding dress. 

So within a week of my one bridal shop experience, I found this (LEFT) online and on sale ($295!) at Nordstrom and this (RIGHT) through one of ideeli.com wedding sales (also on sale & under $300). So immediately I felt really good about not spending a ton of money on one dress.

You might be able to tell they are complete opposites.  Long story short, the LEFT one was gorgeous and designer, but made zero sense in my DIY - country wedding. my advice, take your time, establish your wedding, then establish your wardrobe. Plus, 9 months with one dress is a lot of time to look at other, prettier dresses and develop an unnecessary hatred of your dress.

The bad:

- Day Of Coordinator

One of the perks of my venue, was that it came with a day of coordinator. Awesome! right?  The major downfall was that I'm a type A, super awesome task do-er. By the time my coordinator started getting in touch with me was January. I had already booked all my vendors (DJ booked, Invitations/ Programs contacted, Caterer done, Florist was in work).
I was also a few thousand miles away. And my caterer was incredibly easy to work with and handled everything from the bartenders, linens, to the dessert. 

So ground rules for what the coordinator could do for me were never established (I did ask, got a "whatever you need" response.) --- So, because I could (and thought I could) do everything on my own, I did, and got it done.  There were never check-in emails I expected or any suggestions thrown my way (except to cut the pie after our first dance).

She kind of just kept a record of everything, mostly just everything from our two in-person meetings. She WAS a great contact person for my vendors the day-of. But that's pretty much it. She volunteered to blow up my 30" balloons for the entrance, but then forgot about them... and when reminded she came back with small balloons. (I still don't know where my 5 $5 balloons ended up at).

Point of the story: get to know your coordinator, they can be life savers or people who are just doing a job. 

The good:

- being able to say NO to all the wedding stuff popping up on every blog.

I remember the moment in May or June, when I finally saw the whole wedding of my dreams. It came together in a moment, every decoration made sense, every need was established, and the whole flow of the wedding was visualized. That was the best day of the planning process. I hope everyone has that moment. When you're three or so months out and you know you can't pile your plate any higher - that decisions have to be made - that budgets have to be held true - that you don't need personalized favors, fresh petals on the aisle, or a $100 guest book.  My advice, and every bride will say this, the day is about you and your FH's love, make it personal, make it true to yourself, and learn to say no.

I'll be posting more pictures on how the wedding came together throughout the month, stay tuned!

Dad and Me

photos compliment of my new Aunt Jane!

my favorite

Wedding Preview

Cardens Photography
 (after my dress change)

JPC Event Group
  (inside the reception)

It was a really fantastic night.